Chapter 457: Fool for love

Electra's POV

I made my way up the stairs leading to the rooftop slowly, my hands tucked into the pockets of my jacket as several thoughts kept running through my head at once.

After my conversation with Irina, Penelope, and Roxana earlier, I had finally accepted that I could not solve everything at once no matter how badly I wanted to. There were simply too many things happening around me, and if I kept rushing into everything blindly, I would probably make things even worse for myself.

The issue with Jella especially irritated me because the more I thought about her, the more I realized that simply throwing her into prison felt too merciful after everything she had done. She killed my father, framed an innocent servant for it, and then expected the entire kingdom to pity her afterwards. Just remembering the fake expression she wore whenever she spoke made my skin crawl.

Still, before deciding what exactly I wanted to do to her, I needed a little time alone to think clearly. Irina, Penelope, and Roxana had gone off to class from what I knew, which meant I finally had a bit of silence to myself. Honestly, I should have been heading back to the palace already to continue dealing with the mess waiting for me there, but my head felt too heavy for politics right now.

The thought of Seraphina slipped back into my mind again, and I immediately frowned to myself.

I had considered going to look for her before coming up here. It had been a while since we actually spoke properly, and the last time we spoke, she had left my room angry and upset while I stood there not fully understanding what I had even done wrong. Since then, she has not come to see me even once. At first, I told myself I did not care, but the more time passed, the more aware I became of her absence, and I hated that.

From everything everyone kept telling me, and from the strange reactions my body had whenever Seraphina was involved, it was obvious that the old me had loved her deeply. Maybe even obsessively. Even now, despite having no memories of those feelings, I could still feel some kind of pull toward her that I could not explain properly. Part of it probably had to do with the sigil connecting us, the one keeping me alive, but another part of me knew it was more than that.

The problem was that I did not know if I was capable of giving her whatever she wanted from me anymore.

Seraphina felt fragile to me, not weak exactly but delicate in the way flowers were delicate. The kind of person whose emotions were written all over her face no matter how hard she tried to hide them. Every time I thought about her, I could already tell she wanted something emotionally from me that I wasn't sure I could give. I did not even fully understand my own emotions anymore, much less understand how to love someone the way the old me supposedly loved her.

Keeping her close while knowing I might never feel the same way again felt selfish, even cruel, because what if she stayed beside me hoping the old Electra would come back someday while I stayed exactly like this forever?

The thought irritated me enough that I let out a sigh as I finally reached the rooftop door and pushed it open.

Cold air immediately brushed against my face as I stepped outside. I had expected the rooftop to be completely empty considering everyone should have been in class by now, but the moment I looked ahead, I froze slightly.

Someone was already there, and surprisingly it was Penelope.

She stood near the railing with her back partly turned toward me, and for a second, I almost considered quietly leaving so she could keep whatever privacy she clearly came up here for, but then she turned slightly at the sound of the door closing behind me, and the moment I saw her face properly, I immediately noticed the tear streaks running down her cheeks and the redness around her eyes.

My brows furrowed instantly.

Penelope quickly looked away the second she noticed me staring, wiping at her face like she wanted to pretend nothing was wrong, but it was already too late for that. Even from a distance, it was painfully obvious she had been crying for a while.

For a few seconds, neither of us said anything.

Then finally, I spoke. "What happened to you?"

Penelope laughed softly, but there was nothing amused about the sound. If anything, she sounded embarrassed that I caught her like this. "Nothing happened," she muttered quietly.

I stared at her for a moment before walking further onto the rooftop. "You humans are very strange," I said bluntly. "Your face is literally covered in tears and your eyes look swollen, yet you're saying nothing happened."

That earned another laugh from her, though this one sounded shakier than the first. She rubbed at her eyes again before sighing softly.

"You really don't know how to comfort people at all anymore," she murmured.

I shrugged. "I wasn't trying to comfort you."

"Clearly."

I walked until I stood beside her near the railing before leaning against it lazily. Up here, the entire school grounds were visible beneath us, but my attention stayed on Penelope instead. Now that I was closer, I could tell she looked exhausted too, like she either had not slept properly or had spent hours crying before I got here.

The thought immediately made me think of Irina, and judging from the way Penelope suddenly avoided eye contact when I glanced at her, I realized I was probably right.

"So," I said slowly, "this is about Irina."

Penelope immediately groaned and dropped her forehead against the railing dramatically. "Can you not read people's minds for one day?"

"I can't read minds," I replied flatly. "You're just obvious."

She let out another weak laugh before going quiet again. The silence between us lasted for a while, but surprisingly, it did not feel uncomfortable. The wind moved softly around us while students' distant voices echoed faintly from somewhere below. Eventually, Penelope sighed heavily again before speaking.

"She rejected me."

I blinked once. "Oh."

That was honestly the only response that came to mind at first.

Penelope shook her head with a tired smile. "Wow, amazing response."

"What exactly am I supposed to say?" I asked.

"I don't know," she muttered. "Something comforting maybe."

I thought about it for a second before responding honestly, "I'm probably the wrong person to ask for comfort right now."

Penelope looked at me briefly before nodding slightly. "Fair enough."

She stayed quiet for another moment before continuing softly, "I knew she was going to reject me, by the way. I'm not even shocked. I think what hurts the most is finally hearing it out loud after feeling this way for years."

I frowned slightly. "Years?"

Penelope scoffed weakly. "A very pathetic amount of years."

That surprised me more than I expected. I already knew from earlier conversations that Penelope liked Irina romantically, but hearing that she had apparently loved her for years made the whole thing feel weirder somehow.

"And Irina knew, right?" I asked.

Penelope laughed bitterly. "Apparently everyone knew while I thought I was doing a good job hiding my feelings."

I stayed silent, unsure what exactly she wanted me to say.

After a few seconds, she suddenly looked at me directly. "Can I ask you something?"

"You're going to ask anyway."

She rolled her eyes lightly before asking, "Do you think I'm stupid?"

I frowned. "For liking Irina?"

She nodded quietly, and I looked away toward the sky for a second before answering honestly. "No, but I do think humans enjoy suffering unnecessarily."

Penelope stared at me in disbelief before bursting into unexpected laughter. "Oh my God," she said between laughs. "You really are awful at comforting people."

"And yet you're laughing right now. Not to toot my own horn, but I think I'm doing a pretty good job right now," I responded defensively.

She rolled her eyes. "That's because your answers are ridiculous."

I shrugged again. Her laughter slowly faded after a while, but thankfully the sadness in her expression eased slightly too, not completely, but enough that she no longer looked like she was about to break down crying again.

Then unexpectedly, she looked at me carefully before asking, "What about you?"

I frowned. "What about me?"

"You look miserable too."

I immediately scoffed. "I always look like this."

"No," Penelope said softly. "You don't."

For some reason, those words made my chest feel oddly tight again, and I looked away from her immediately.

Unfortunately, Penelope noticed. Her expression softened slightly as she studied me for a moment before speaking carefully. "Is this about Seraphina?"

The moment she said Seraphina's name, irritation immediately rose inside me mostly because she was right.

"I don't know," I muttered honestly.

Penelope blinked. "You don't know?"

"I don't understand what I'm supposed to do with her," I admitted before I could stop myself. "Everyone keeps telling me how much I loved her before I lost my memories, but I don't remember any of it, and she…" I paused slightly. "She clearly still loves me."

Penelope stayed silent, listening carefully.

I let out a frustrated breath before continuing. "I can tell she wants something emotionally from me that I'm not sure I can give her anymore. Keeping her close when I might never feel the same way again feels unfair."

Penelope stared at me for a moment before asking quietly, "But do you want her gone?"

The question caught me off guard instantly because despite everything… despite the confusion, despite the missing memories, despite how complicated everything felt…

The answer came immediately. "No," I admitted softly, and somehow, saying it out loud made the heaviness in my chest feel even worse.