Today I woke up, looked at my cactus guard — Spike-o-sensei — and felt proud.
He was still standing. Not moving. Not dying.
Best employee.
"GUOOH!!"
(Translation: Morning, Spike-o-sensei!)
Aizen wagged his tail and bit a rock. I think he thought it was food.
Then… an idea struck me.
A genius, glorious, idiot idea.
What if… I hold a festival for Spike-o-sensei?
I ran around my ugly, sand-leaking house, gathered bones, broken hollow teeth, mask shards, one old fishbone I don't remember owning, and stacked them in a crooked circle around Spike-o-sensei.
"GUOOOHH!!"
(Translation: Decoration!!)
[EP Gained: 11,000]
[Reason: Decorated a cactus for no reason]
Next, I drew a giant wobbly circle line in the sand with my finger around the house.
Aizen ran straight over it and ruined it.
I roared at him.
"GUOOOOOOOOOOH!!!"
(Translation: BAD!! I JUST MADE THAT!!)
[EP Gained: 10,000]
[Reason: Yelled at dog over a sand line]
Aizen, being a professional idiot like me, rolled over and chewed a bone.
I wasn't done.
I needed an audience.
I grabbed three poor tiny hollows passing by, told them to sit near Spike-o-sensei, pointed aggressively.
One tried to run.
I chased it, but tripped on a bone, face-planted in the sand.
[EP Gained: 12,000]
[Reason: Face-planted while chasing a random hollow]
By the time I lifted my sandy face, the small hollows were gone.
Only Aizen remained, tail wagging proudly.
I declared the festival a success anyway.
"GUOOOOH!!"
(Translation: Festival over!! You win, Spike-o-sensei!!)
I awarded the cactus with a dead beetle I found nearby.
Aizen barked happily.
To end the day, I stood on a big rock, raised both arms to Hueco Mundo's empty sky.
"GUOOOOOOOOOHHHH!!"
(Translation: BEST FESTIVAL EVER!!)
[EP Gained: 14,000]
[Reason: Held a festival alone with a cactus and a dog]
[Current EP: 2,100,500 / 100,000,000]
And that's how I held the greatest cactus festival in history.
I'm a genius.