He tapped his pipe against his palm, his eyes gleaming with the manic, delighted recognition of a mad scientist who had just discovered someone else was building pipe bombs in the sandbox.
"Whoever cooked this up," the man whispered to the wind, "is either a complete, raving lunatic, or the most brilliant structural architect born in the last five centuries."
He turned his gaze toward the guest pavilions, his smile deepening into something dangerous and highly anticipatory.
"I think it is time I met this Chef. I have a few... structural critiques regarding their seasoning."
The deity had arrived.
And the Vanguard Tour was about to gain an advisor who was just as chaotic, just as brilliant, and infinitely more unhinged than the Apex Anomaly herself.
***
Back in the Azure Zenith Pavilion, Ji’an had successfully pushed her nostalgic melancholy back into its designated iron box.
She had a job to do.
"Alright, boys," Ji’an clapped her hands together, the sharp sound echoing in the cellar. "The mash is stabilized. Let’s go. The sun is still up, and I refuse to let the Vanguard Retinue waste peak training hours digesting lunch."
Wangchen immediately ceased his absolute zero emission, smoothing his white robes.
Zechuan caught all three ghost-toad glands, stuffed them into his pockets, and hoisted the four-hundred-pound Black Iron Wok onto his shoulder.
They marched out of the cellar and into the grand, silk-draped central living room of the guest pavilion.
The rest of the Vanguard Retinue was currently engaged in post-lunch recovery.
Hu Yanlie was snoring loudly on a velvet divan. Lu Jianheng was sitting in a perfect lotus position, meticulously polishing Autumn Shine, though his hands still trembled slightly from the morning’s exertion.
Gu Zhiwei was attempting to teach the three Azure Crane maidens, Fairy Xue and her two juniors, how to play a mortal card game he had bought in the capital.
"ON YOUR FEET!" Ji’an roared, projecting her voice with a burst of Qi.
The entire room violently scrambled to attention.
Yanlie fell off the divan, landing face-first on the silk rug. Zhiwei dropped his cards, snapping a crisp salute. The maidens squeaked, hastily fixing their veils.
Ji’an paced to the front of the room, her silver-flecked eyes sweeping critically over the assembled demigods.
As she looked at the group, her brain snagged on a glaring discrepancy.
The thirteen male prodigies were exhausted, bruised, and radiating the dense, heavy energy of their newly stabilized Nascent Soul cores.
They had been pushed to the absolute brink.
But the three girls?
Fairy Xue and the two Azure Crane maidens looked immaculate. Their pale blue water-silks were clean. Their hair was perfectly pinned.
Aside from the agonizing lunges they had done the day prior, they had largely been sidelined.
During the beast hunts, the boys had instinctively formed protective cordons around them. During the academic seminars, they had sat quietly in the back.
’Hmm, I feel like I’m neglecting them too much,’ Ji’an realized, a sharp pang of guilt hitting her. ’I’ve been so focused on breaking the bottlenecks of the main protagonists that I’ve completely ignored the female demographic. The orthodox world already treats women like delicate glass dolls or damsels in distress. If I let them coast through this tour, I am actively contributing to the patriarchy.’
Ji’an’s eyes narrowed.
That was unacceptable.
Equality in the kitchen meant equality in the crucible.
"Listen up," Ji’an announced, clapping her hands behind her back. "We are splitting the party for the afternoon session."
The boys exchanged nervous glances.
Ji’an pointed her spatula at Lu Jianheng. "Sword Lord. You are in command of the male contingent. I want the thirteen of you to march down to the Acid-Geyser Canyons on the southern perimeter."
"The Acid-Geysers, Martial Uncle?" Jianheng asked, his face paling slightly. "The elders stated that those geysers erupt randomly with boiling, corrosive sulfur."
"Exactly!" Ji’an beamed sadistically. "It is the perfect environment for reflex training! You are going to play a game of dodgeball. Yanlie will throw boulders at you. You will dodge the boulders while simultaneously predicting the eruptions of the acid geysers. If you get hit by a rock, you do fifty pushups. If you get hit by acid, you lose your eyebrows. Go. Do not return until sundown."
The boys groaned collectively, their muscles already screaming in preemptive agony.
"And what of you, Martial Uncle Lin?" Gu Zhiwei asked, tilting his head like a confused puppy. "Will you be observing our evasion techniques?"
"No," Ji’an replied smoothly.
She turned her gaze toward the three terrified girls standing in the corner.
"I will be conducting a specialized, private, intensive supervisory session with Fairy Xue and the maidens. Just the four of us. In the secluded Moon-Lotus Botanical Gardens."
.
.
.
For exactly four seconds, the grand living room of the Azure Zenith Pavilion was completely silent.
And then, the thirteen male prodigies’ brains catastrophically misinterpreted the entirety of her statement.
In the orthodox cultivation world, the social dynamics were rigidly codified.
A highly charismatic, devastatingly handsome, overpowered young male lord separating the three beautiful maidens from the group to take them to a "secluded botanical garden" for a "private, highly intensive session" meant exactly one thing.
It meant he was building his harem.
It meant the Apex Anomaly had grown bored of martial training and had decided to pivot directly into the dual-cultivation route!
The collective panic that erupted from the male contingent was instantaneous.
"MARTIAL UNCLE, NO!" Lu Jianheng roared, his aristocratic face turning a brilliant, horrified shade of crimson. He lunged forward, throwing his arms out as if trying to physically block her path to the maidens. "You cannot! You must not! It is a violation of orthodox virtue! The Azure Crane maidens are pure! You cannot simply... whisk them away to the gardens to... to ravage their innocence!"
Ji’an’s jaw dropped. "Ravage their what?!"
"Brother Lin!" Gu Zhiwei gasped, clutching his chest, looking at her with wide, betrayed golden eyes. "Is it true?! Are you starting a family so soon?!"