Edgar leaned forward, slamming his hands on the table in front of him. The tea cups chattered as he stared at Cass.
"What? What about us? Did he like us?" Edgar demanded and Cass blinked, his hands still on Lucian’s face. He was shocked at Edgar’s outburst, as was Sam and Byron. Lucian growled, his hands leaving Cass’ back to slide up and cup Cass’ hands on his face, preventing Cass from pulling them away.
"Why are you putting him on the spot like that?" Lucian asked, glaring at Edgar. "Look at him. He’s frozen stiff." Lucian growled and Edgar threw him an annoyed look.
"I wasn’t talking to you, I was talking to Cass. Did he have feelings for us?" He repeated and Cass felt his whole body warm up again. Flustered, he nodded, his lips sealed shut for a moment.
"He uh, was far more repressed with his feelings, but...yes." Cass muttered. "He was actually able to notice things better than I could." Cass told them and that seemed to catch them by surprise.
"Better than you could? How so?" Edgar asked and Cass twitched. How could he explain this? This strangeness in his chest and how different Cass was from Cassian. How Cass had appreciated men before, but hadn’t really...done anything, while Cassian seemed to have two hands wrapped around his feelings. How Cassian had shoved them so deep inside of him that it made him look stiff and annoyed all the time.
How the stiffness and oddness that Cassian had around the men was built from his own desires and the want to be accepted, but it had clearly only drawn another barrier between them?
Cass looked at their eager eyes, both Edgar and Gideon staring at him, curious. Gideon at least was giving Cass some room to change his opinion. By that he meant that Gideon wasn’t as full of desire as Edgar was. Cass could barely look at the other man, his expression so full of expectation that Cass couldn’t meet his gaze.
"It’s...complicated." Cass mumbled. "Cassian had a type, but also..." Cass flushed. "He just liked men." Cass mumbled.
"Ah. So, you like men." Lucian said and Cass twitched. "Do you have someone you find yourself more attracted to?" Lucian asked. Cass groaned.
"This conversation feels ridiculous." Cass told him. "Does it matter? I already have all three of you in my life, none of it matters." The air chilled slightly.
"So it’s not us?" Gideon asked softly and Cass felt his gut tighten. He should have said that better. He was a fool.
"That’s not-I didn’t-" Cass cut himself off before he put his foot in his mouth. Instead, he closed his eyes and took several deep breaths. "I’m not like Cassian. I might have been gay before, and was more honest with myself at least mentally, but..." Cass opened his eyes, staring at Lucian’s throat and beard. "I didn’t act on any of it. I never really noticed anyone else before, sexually. I just...didn’t see a point? Reading was enough. It’s not really...comparable since I found more joy reading stories then meeting actual people and interacting with them." Cass shrugged his shoulders non-comitally. "So he’s able to detect some things better than I can."
Cass didn’t raise his eyes to look at the others in the room, a little embarrassed that they were discussing this.
"Well, it’s a good thing you read about us first then, isn’t it?" Edgar said softly and Cass jerked. He couldn’t help his eyes darting towards the handsome, prince-like man and saw the smile on his lips. Cass blinked, his eyes a little wide, his breathing a little harsh and Gideon let out a soft chuckle.
"Cass, it’s no wonder you didn’t need anyone else if you were reading the books that you’ve lent me in your other world. I wouldn’t need anyone else either if I had just those." Cass’ face flushed as Lucian’s cheeks under Cass’ hands shifted. He was smiling and Cass glanced at him.
"I agree with both of them. It’s a good thing you liked reading and read about us, but you won’t need those stories anymore outside of relaxation. Either way, we’re all eager to help you if you want to reenact anything." Cass wanted the ground to open up under him and swallow him whole. He was suddenly very aware of how warm and firm Lucian’s thighs were under his, and he let out a small squeak before he caught himself.
"I do not need that." Cass gasped quietly. "I really do not need any help. Leave my reading time alone. I already don’t get enough of it." Lucian laughed, and Cass felt a little strange, feeling him laugh and smile with his own hands. He hadn’t seen him for so long that it was proof that he was here. He was alive, and he was real.
"Understood, Cass, but you let us know. We’re always eager to help." Gideon told him calmly, and that made it worse. Knowing Gideon, he meant every word.
"A-Anyways, we need to catch Lucian up on everything that’s happened in his absence." Cass muttered, wanting to change topics. Lucian grunted.
"Yes, like these eyes. What is up with this? Why are they so cute?" Lucian asked and Cass wondered if he was ever going to catch a break? His poor heart was a damn drum in his chest, marching to a beat that Cass wasn’t even sure he could dance to.
"They’re adorable, aren’t they?" Edgar agreed eagerly, happy to be discussing this topic. Cass squeezed Lucian’s cheeks.
"Have some mercy." Cass whispered. "I’m sure both of you can hear my damn heartbeat." Cass was of course speaking about the two beings that weren’t quite human. Gideon looked a little surprised, before his eyes warmed as he watched Cass quiver on Lucian’s lap.
"Hmm, but we haven’t been able to really discuss it outside of the facts of it, Cass. It is cute. You look so adorable when you look at us with your heart-shaped eyes. I’m glad that it’s a privilege only a few can have and that I am included in it." Gideon said and Cass frowned deeply. Damn it, even the human was getting in on this!
"I agree with Giddy. It started showing up, or we think it did, at Cass’ last last heat. It was in full force during the one that just passed. We thought we were imagining it the first time we saw it, but Cass was fully the sweetest man we’d ever seen in the last heat. He was also very tasty. Tastier than normal." Edgar said with a smile. Cass groaned.
"For the love of-everyone else out." Cass ordered, and with laughter, his three aides left. Edgar, Gideon and Lucian watched them go, their own lips curled up as Cass was a mess on Lucian’s lap. When the door closed and Cass had waited a few beats of silence, he glared at the three men. "If you wanted them to leave, you could have just fucking asked." Cass growled, annoyed, and Lucian squeezed his hands.
"It wasn’t my intention. I hadn’t realised that you were so sensitive. After all, Sam has been here a couple of times when we’ve had discussions like this." Cass groaned at his way of thinking.
"Yes, Sam has been around, but there has also been a doctor. Byron’s a kid and Sir Forsythe is like a parent to me. He does not need to hear of any of the stuff we get up to." Cass muttered, flushed and embarrassed.
"Awe. That’s so sweet, Bunny. Okay, if it bothers you that much, are we allowed to ask them to leave for your own comfort? I don’t want to order them around since they are yours, but if it’s because you don’t want to be embarrassed, are we allowed?" Edgar asked and Cass glared at him.
"As long as you don’t abuse it." He warned and Edgar’s big, wide, cheesy grin gave Cass a worried feeling in the pit of his stomach.
"Us? We’d never abuse it. That’s so cruel for you to assume." He rounded his blue eyes, making them even bigger. He added in a slightly pouty bottom lip and Cass jerked. He was using his looks against him, and in that brief moment, Cass felt the same way he’d felt when he’d exchanged verbal blows with Edgar a long, long time ago. A snake in the grass.
A grip tightening around him, slowly, carefully.
"It’s not an assumption when there are three of you, one of me, and one of Sam. I have a lot of work I have to get done, and if you are always sending him away or sending the others away to-to do things, then nothing will get done." Cass complained. Edgar’s expression softened, his eyes warming. He reached for his teacup, taking a sip and nodding in appreciation.
"Ah. Well, I can’t argue with that." A light went off behind his eyes. "Speaking of, you haven’t summoned the doctor back yet, have you?" Lucian rumbled.
"Cass." It was a warning sound, like he thought that Cass hadn’t seen him at all. Cass furrowed his brow.
"Don’t use that tone with me. I’ve already seen them once, I just haven’t had a follow up after my heat. It just ended, and I was in recovery for a few days too. Plus, we were waiting for you too." Cass glared at him and Lucian softened.
"Ah. I apologise then, I know you can take care of yourself, but forgive me for being cautious. If something was wrong, I want you to prioritize taking care of yourself over everything else. Including seeing me in person again. I would have just come to you first if you were lying in bed." Cass didn’t like hearing that. It felt a bit like he was spitting in the face of the fact that he had done so in the first place.
Annoyed, Cass pulled his hands free from Lucian’s face to glare at him more firmly. He crossed his arms, angry, and Lucian seemed shocked and surprised that Cass was so upset.
"Do you even understand how much I missed you? How much I was worried about you? All alone, somewhere I don’t know, couldn’t see, and going through something that no matter how much you tried to dress it up, I knew it had to be painful? And yet you are going to sit here, with me in your lap, and tell me that I didn’t have to come see you at the door?" Cass asked. Suddenly enraged, Cass moved as if to get up and Lucian’s hands darted out.
"No, no. You don’t have to get up. Stay here, Baby. Don’t move. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to diminish your feelings." Lucian looked horrified, but there was also an underlying thread of joy. "I’m sorry. Please, don’t leave." Cass looked away from him. He knew he was acting childish. He knew he was acting out, but fuck everything. He’d had to have everything together for so damn long that now that everyone was in one place, he was allowed to be a little childish.
"Maybe I’ll go to Gideon’s lap. He’ll appreciate me running to him and giving him a hug after not seeing him for so long." Cass mumbled. Gideon sucked in, Edgar muffled his laughter, and Lucian stilled. Then, a long, low, dangerous growl came from his lips.
"Cassian Blackburn. What are you implying?" Lucian demanded, now also annoyed. Cass turned his gaze towards him, glaring at him.
"Don’t you dare undervalue yourself. Don’t you dare undervalue me. Do you even understand what I had to give up to stay here? To be here, with you and the others? Do you know how hard everything has been and-fuck." Cass cut off, his eyes welling up with tears. He wanted to blame Cassian for being emotional, but this was all Cass. While Cassian was the one prone to emotional outbursts, they were usually anger.
Cass was the one who normally cried silently when things got hard. Now he was doing it in front of the three men who cared for him, and Lucian immediately lost all anger he could have had. Gideon and Edgar got up, Gideon coming around to place his hands on Cass’ shoulders while Edgar came and sat next to Lucian. Edgar’s hands touched Cass’ knees, squeezing them thoughtfully.
"Oh Bunny. Why did you feel the need to keep this all in? You could have cried with us too." Cass shook his head at Edgar’s gentle tone. His throat was thick with tears and he couldn’t speak. They’d have to wait till he could explain himself past the hard lump there.