I was lacing up my boots, finally preparing for our trip to Norta and eventually Goldenhearth. It's been a few days since I regained my previous life's memories, and I learned a lot about myself. Maybe a little more than I would have liked to know if I'm honest. I was an architect and a hobby artist in my past life. I had gone to college for fine arts, then followed that up with a master's in architecture. A lot of the art history side of my studies might not be that useful anymore, but there was still merit in knowing about different fine art and architectural styles. The more technical skills have already been serving me well in my position as a city planner, naturally.
The emotional side of my memories were weighing on me. I felt like I was in a funk since I regained them. Remembering a lifetime of defeat, depression, and dissatisfaction with my body, wasn't something I could shrug off as easily as I would have liked. I was determined to turn the feelings into motivation in my new life, but it was hard. It would be easy to fall into the trap of lounging around in my bed for days on end like I had in the past, but I think getting out and moving again, and taking the trip we had planned, was just what I needed. Especially since we had a concrete goal. I hoped that by the time we reached Goldenhearth, I would be back to my usual self, if that was even possible.
I leaned back and took a breath. Regaining my memories had been a lot harder on me than I expected. I was worried that they would change my personality. That thankfully wasn't the case, but it instead felt like I had all this... baggage I didn't have before. The biggest upside in my day to day life was being able to look at myself in the mirror and remember how lucky I am, something that I rarely had in my previous life. Even now, as off as I felt, I still smiled when I looked down at the swell of my large breasts and the wide hips I never would have been able to achieve before. I felt more confident in my mission of helping anyone dissatisfied with their bodies become a member of my growing family. I now had an interest in searching for people I could help, rather than just letting them find us. Something to think about on the coming trip.
Dragging myself to my feet, I took one more look at the silvered mirror we had in our bedroom before heading downstairs and into the living room, where everyone was waiting. When I stepped out of the stairwell, everyone's eyes went to me. They looked tense, like they had been in the middle of an argument. I probably could have eavesdropped on my way down, but I was too lost in thought to pay them any attention.
"What's going on?" I asked.
Several of the people in the room shared looks, but the thing that caught my attention was Bella. She was dressed in her adventuring gear. Lying against her chest in some kind of baby carrier was Ashe, and a large pack stood to the side next to her.
Lori frowned. "Bella insists she's coming with us... and bringing the baby along."
I turned to Bella with a confused look. "You want to take Ashe on a dangerous trip through the frontier? I thought you were fine staying behind."
Bella's face hardened. "I don't want to be left here alone. Cecilia is already taking Madeline along. Why can't I take Ashe? After System's End, the people in this room are among the strongest people in the city. Even I've fought and killed Demons, we can protect her on the way."
"Raya and Sibyl will still be here, and the other succubi, you wouldn't be alone," I said in confusion.
"You're taking Mori, Tori, and Mimi. All of our lovers will be going with you, and most importantly, you'll be gone. I- I need you. I can't handle you being away, out of the city. And right now, you're hurting too. I think you need me as much as I need you. I try hard not to be too clingy and take up all the time you have to share with the others, but I can't handle you being gone entirely. I'm coming," Bella said firmly.
"What about Ashe? She shouldn't be traveling this early," I argued.
Bella kissed the top of our baby's head. "Ashe will be fine. She's already developed a lot, and she's not very fussy. Since Nelly and Kal'daeryn are also going with you, Nelly can help me take care of the baby if I'm needed."
"I don't know if this is a good ide—"
"Don't abandon me here!" Bella cried, cutting me off.
Her words hit me like a punch in the gut, and the link that the two of us shared clenched around my heart tightly until I decided to agree. Unlike the other Succubi, the 'deal' I made for Bella's soul was much deeper than the oath everyone else took, and was binding in a way that made it impossible to argue with her. I could not abandon her. I was entirely incapable of making a choice that would break that promise. I felt a bit betrayed that she was using this against me, but I don't think she even realized what she was doing.
I sighed deeply. "Fine. Mimi, go get Bella's trunk. She's coming with us."
Lori jumped to her feet. "Are you serious? Maddy is one thing, but bringing your baby with us? Your only child and the very first of the Lilim? This is mad, this is too much danger to put the baby in!"
Now that she had won the argument, Bella quickly left the room with Mimi to do some last-minute packing and gather her things for the trip. She chose not to continue arguing with Lori about it, now that I had 'made' my decision.
"I don't have a choice. She's coming," I said in a clipped tone. I wasn't exactly happy about it either. I may have been persuaded eventually, but the way that she phrased it made it impossible for me to argue with her. If we spent the time to talk it out and came to the conclusion that we could keep her safe, that would be one thing, but no, I was forced into this conclusion whether I liked it or not.
"Bella's getting emotional, I understand that. But why are you just rolling over on something so important? Aren't you worried about your child?" Lori pressed.
"I have no choice!" I yelled.
Lori's eyes went wide and everyone took a step back. I felt awful for yelling, but I couldn't handle any of this right now. I was already off balance, being accused of not caring about Ashe's safety was too far. The frustration that I was already feeling had ignited into hot anger.
I growled for a moment, but forced myself to take a breath. I scratched roughly at the base of my horn while I got my thoughts together. "Bella was the first succubus I transformed. Her transformation worked differently than everyone else's. I was still a demon when it happened, and rather than taking an oath, we made a 'deal' instead."
"What are you saying?" Lori asked sharply.
The only ones in the room right now were the twins, Lori, Nelly, and Kal'daeryn. This was something I hadn't told any of them before. It wasn't something I was proud of.
"Unlike everyone else, Bella bound her soul to mine. The conditions were that I never abandon her. I literally can't. It's not like I can do it with some kind of penalty, or find some way around it. If she feels like an action I would take would abandon her, I am entirely incapable of taking that action. I'm not capable of looking for loopholes or getting around it. The only way we can make her stay is if she decides that I won't be abandoning her. I'm not even able to continue trying to convince her. Now that she's said that, I can't argue with her anymore. No one else can change my mind. Unless she decides not to on her own, she's coming," I said, fuming.
Morrigan's ears went back. "You soulbound her? Do you realize the gravity of that? That means that her soul will follow yours even after both of you die. She'll continue to be bound to you in the next life and beyond. It's the reason why demons are so feared. They can force others to continue to serve them even after they're dead."
There was a long silence as everyone digested that bit of information. I was already aware of it. I felt it in my soul. More than the others, the two of us were linked on a deeper level.
"I'm sure if there were a problem, my goddess would have objected... Instead, she chose to bless Bella with the ability to conceive children. I do not think we should worry about this. It will have ramifications in the future for the two of them, but it's not as if we can change it now. As long as Lilith no longer binds people to her soul, I don't think we should worry," Nelly finally said.
I sighed. "It was an accident. The ability activated based on something she said before I even opened the system for the first time. I already feel terrible about it..."
"If I can come with you, if you promise never to abandon me, then I'll give you everything, body and soul," Bella said as she came back down the stairs. "I remember what I said well, and I don't regret it. I want to continue following you wherever you go."
I turned to Bella, barely keeping a growl out of my voice. "Did you intentionally trigger the oath between us to force me to bring you along?"
Bella stopped on the stairs. "I didn't mean to use that oath against you... That's how I truly feel. I can't handle being alone right now, and I don't want to leave you alone right now either. You're still hurting from your old memories. I can tell."
I wanted to retort, but any kind of comment could be construed as arguing with her, and I just couldn't. This had never come up before, and now more than ever, I was glad I didn't make any other deals like this.
"I'm sorry, Lilith. But Ashe and I are coming. I still believe we're safer in your hands than being left alone here anyway," Bella said with finality as she leaned against the stairwell.
Torien shared a look with her sister, and it seemed like everything was settled now. I couldn't argue with her, and no one else wanted to argue with her. It was just lucky that Bella was physically fit enough to travel so soon after her birth, even if she was as emotionally compromised as I was right now.
Cecilia raised an eyebrow when she saw Bella among our group when we came to meet her at the stables, but after a quick explanation of the situation, she didn't argue much. While everyone got settled in the same large carriage we had taken to the capital and all the way back to Traehall, I spent some time working on getting my carousel spell working again. I had used it enough to get a good sense of it, but without the system helping me to manage the magic, I couldn't do more than a single mount for myself. That would still be valuable since I would be able to ride ahead of the group to scout, but it wasn't nearly as powerful as bringing an entire group on the magic constructs like I had before. Maybe that would open up again with some practice... I truthfully hadn't spent much time working on it.
"It looks like everything we need is loaded in the back. We're going to be taking some packages to Norta, then to Goldenhearth, then load up on whatever we can for the way back, depending on what the plan is once we're there. Everyone go on and get cozy inside," Cecilia instructed.
Everyone began boarding the carriage except for Cecilia and Fellia, who were going to ride in the coach seat, and Torien, who would ride on top for the first leg of our trip. I was going to be scouting ahead on the horse construct I created while everyone else rode inside for now. Maddy seemed excited to meet the new baby since she hadn't had the opportunity to visit since Ashe was born. The smile the two brought to my face was a bit of a consolation prize after the fight Bella and I just had.
I was still a little mad at her, so this was a nice opportunity to get some air and clear my head. I really hoped this trip would give me a chance to straighten myself out. Things will be a lot more difficult if I'm still this distracted by the time we were negotiating in Goldenhearth. Luckily, we had a bit of a long trip ahead of us before we got there. It would be four or five days to Goldenhearth, depending on how things go.
Flicking the reins of the luck magic construct I was riding, we left the gates and made our way to the fort. I kept my eyes sharp since the woods that surrounded Traehall were now crawling with demons. We've hunted down a lot of them, but the area is now even more dangerous than it was originally. Demons and magical beasts competed for the resources surrounding us, and that made for a treacherous road. But I couldn't help but be happy to travel again after all this time.